October 2011
24 posts
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September 2011
34 posts
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I am requesting adoption into the Olsen family.
Today I just want to smoke sullenly in the rain and have my frizzy hair be a fashion choice instead of a consequence of weather. In this fantasy, I am also wearing a fur coat, reading a pretentious Russian novel, and not giving a shit.
(In other words, someone forcibly remove me from the Olsens Anonymous blog)
My hands are so full with this cell phone
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After seeing Contagion last night, I will never-
Touch anyone
Eat anything
Travel anywhere
Not have a stockpile of canned food
Drink anything
Breathe
Seriously, though that movie was SO good and it won’t stay out of my head. I only laughed at Gwyneth once.
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Theta Alpha Kappa Phi Delta Omega Chi
As is the case when you grow up in the South, a good number of my friends from high school are in sororities. Their pictures on facebook all feature similarly pretty girls wearing matching tank tops and are captioned with things like “luv my big
Why I’m glad I didn’t join a sorority
-I didn’t have go through the hellacious process of Rush and make charming small talk...
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Dramatic Meg
Today I want to wear a handknitted cape and make people spin me around on a spinny chair until I feel faint. When this happens, they will carry me pharoah-style to my bed and play a montage of my favorite sad movie scenes and spoon-feed me hummus while I cry.
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True Story
adventuresinsitting:
Once, I “seduced” this dude by holding up a gigantic, broken clock that was on the floor of my dorm room and saying, “Know what time it is? Time to make out.” Then I threw the clock on the ground.
Couldn’t be more lucky to have this lady in my life. We were in the same comedy group in college, where she did important things like make sure I didn’t take...
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WWZW (What would Zooey Wear)
I attempt to pick out an outfit and stand quizzically in front of the mirror
Truth time: would Zooey Deschanel wear this?
Seriously? Spare me. You are a stereotype, Meg. A goddamn stereotype.
But her bangs are the best bangs.
She’s twee and syrupy and everyone is obsessed with her she’s not even that good of an actress.
Yeah, but remember how cute she dressed in 500 Days of...
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Can I hire someone to keep me away from cookies...
I would be a much more productive and healthful human being, the kind who gets papers done early and does hot yoga and knows how to artfully tie scarves. WHATEVER I’m over it- a life sans internet sounds bleak and a life without cookies is no life at all. I’ll take tumblr and choco chip over foreign films any day.
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Deep breaths are the furthest thing from calming.
Deep breath, got it. Okay, I’m breathing which means I’m alive and like what even is alive? Are you there God? It’s me, Meg. It’s weird that breathing is my own responsibility and no one can do it for me. My breathing is DEFINITELY uneven I am having a pulmonary embolism. Or maybe I have anthrax. That’s still a thing, right? WHY DO I EVEN WATCH GREY’S ANATOMY OR...
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Last night I...
- Cried quite a bit about gun safety
- Was comforted by a lot of wonderful friends
- Drank beer from a bottle. (What am I, royalty?!)
- Listened to excellent music
- Ate 3 cookies bit… by bit… by bit…. by bit
- Chatted with a priest who thinks my name is Theresa
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Feelings on being catcalled at by the hot boys...
Part of me is obviously irritated. Catcalling is a historically gross and offensive practice that reduces women to their looks. It’s also something that women can’t do to men. “HEY MEATY ARMS, COME OVER HERE AND FEED ME SEDUCTIVELY.” It just doesn’t happen.
But there is another part of me that is just the teensiest bit pleased. The boys who live next door are quite...
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Things currently on my mind grapes
- The word “mirth” sounds like it has nothing to do with happiness.
- I think I’m getting sick.
- The concept of argyle is funnier than most things.
- I think I’d be okay with soup as my breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
- BoYz r confusing! #butreally
- It may be naptime.
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Inner Dialoguez
Weekday Meg: Okay, remember that you are not suited to wildness. You like scrapbooking and watching Parks and Recreation, not staying up late and schmoozing with bros wearing tank tops. You will be sick and sleepy and unproductive if you go out all weekend. Got it?
Weekend Meg: OH MY GOD EVERYONE HERE IS WEARING BOAT SHOES EVERYTHING IS SO FUNNY AND THIS WHISKEY SOUR TASTES LIKE LEMONADE
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The evolution of Kimmy Gibbler
Is anyone else interested in what happened to Kimmy Gibbler? She was by far my favorite character on Full House, probably because I identified with her fashion sense, snarkiness, and lack of appropriate social boundaries. I was really missing her stanky feet and her neon clothing today, so I poked around on google. I learned that…
Kimmy Gibbler is actually Andrea Barber. Andrea Barber has...
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Majoring in tumblr with a minor in other people...
College is such a great investment for my future.
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Currently watching Charlize Theron snuggle with an...
I’m into her safari-chic apparel, but she and the ape are a little too close for my taste.
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I have weekend bruises all over my body.
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Nothing like googling pictures of Tina Fey in the...
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This is a balanced diet, yes?
Am I an adult? I feel like now that I have a kitchen and no one to feed me I may subsist on-
- eggs
- apples
- free things
- alkzzz LOLZ collegeeee
- cookies
