My internal monologue last night


But there are so many parasites that exist.


I’m never going to a jungle or a tropical area that has botflys, not even if someone gives me a free ticket. They burrow in your SKIN.


Heraldry is funny, right? Would people laugh if I made jokes about coats of arms?


The right to bear arms, more like the right to BEAR arms, eh? Like people with furry bear arms?! God I’m funny.


But botflys…

Que Zeta?

Los Zetas, the terrifying Mexican drug syndicate, has been all over the news recently. But whenever I read anything about how they, say, decapitated people or blew up an oil tank, instead of picturing these Zetas- 

I end up picturing these.

It makes for a much more interesting news story, that’s for sure. 

Oh shit guys this is bad this is so bad I have to decorate this cake and can’t remember whether my sister is 18 or 81

Oh shit guys this is bad this is so bad I have to decorate this cake and can’t remember whether my sister is 18 or 81

All I’m saying is that it is wayyyyy too easy to find Gordo from Lizzie McGuire’s real life Facebook.

Way too easy. His name is Adam Lamberg, and he posted pictures of himself with scraggly hair holding a chicken on a farm. THEN MY HEART EXPLODED ALL OVER MY COMPUTER. I absolutely adored sweet little indie Gordo in seventh grade. Something about his Jew fro really appealed to me, an underweight bookworm who wore skirts as ponchos, wanted to train seeing eye dogs for a living, and cried a lot. 

The album is called “A Little Albuquirkiness.” MARRY ME.

Bad at surviving, good at planning out baby outfits

In a post-apocalyptic situation I would be TOAST. My skill set includes- sarcasm, scrapbooking, not taking serious things seriously, being clean, jokes, back rubs, fear, and knowing things about history. Not even one of these things are geared towards survival. When the fights over the last can of beans begin, I will snuggle under a blankie and think about the suffrage movement. And then starve. 

List of 90’s songs my mom used as a vehicle for educating me about domestic abuse
  • "Luka" - Suzanne Vega
  • "Torn" -Natalie Imbruglia
  • "Goodbye Earl" - The Dixie Chicks
  • "What’s the Matter Here" - 10,000 Maniacs

Though there was not a hint of abuse in my life, my mom kept young me informed about social issues through these singer/songwriter hits.

(The great HITS?  Ohhhh no I think I just made an unintentional domestic violence joke)

Presented with no comment. 

Presented with no comment. 

Where is the love, Fergie? Right here. Right. here.

Where is the love, Fergie? Right here. Right. here.

Who knew there were so many blogs about Montessori-style homeschooling?! Not this girl!!!

(I shouldn’t be allowed to have internet.)

Killin’ it with the recs, Netflix. 

Killin’ it with the recs, Netflix.